My Sisters Are Emotional Sadists

Time for a life quiz!

  1. Your sibling calls you early in the morning and you answer the phone, already on edge because of the morning phone call stereotype and because she never calls you this early. She answers the phone in chocking sobs. Do you:
    1. Assume she just finished watching The Notebook for the first time.
    2. Assume one (or both) of your parents are dead and start processing it before she confirms this.
    3. Assume a close family member/friend of the family has died, begin processing this before confirmation.
    4. Assume she is actually laughing so hard she is choking, get angry because it’s too early for jokes.

If you were me, the answer is B.

Now, as you can assume by the fact that I am blogging this experience, it was neither of the more tragic options. I wouldn’t be funny blogging about those right now, I’m not a monster. But it wasn’t the other options either.

My sister called me at 7:58 am (which may not seem early to you, but it’s 6:58 am her time and also I work at night so I was just getting into my REM). She was bawling guys. And my heart was beating faster than I thought possible. My stream of thought was “No I can’t handle this right now, how much time off work will they give me, which one was it? Not that it matters I will be equally devastated, Please God no.” 

She cried for a good.. minute? before using her words, and for that whole minute I thought about how much I was going to miss my mom/dad. BUT THEN, I heard her mutter the word dream. I flew through the 5 stages of unintentional grief, and then I started yelling at her. “Joanna, pull yourself together! What happened!” I started laughing too, my brain probably trying to alert my heart that if it doesn’t calm down it will burst in my chest.

Then she finally told me she had a horrible dream that I had died, I yelled at her some more then confirmed that as far as my current reality, I still qualified as being alive. We laughed, well I did anyway, she kept sobbing, and I went back to sleep.

I’d just like to say this is not the first time one of my sisters has sent me into a false life-altering panic attack. Another time my younger sister called me crying and saying, ‘Dad was in an accident.’ I of course began wondering what happens next? Then, she said, after a few seconds, but he’s okay. -___-

I hope you guys are better at delivering non-tragic news than the members of my family.

Good day!

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