Politicians Say The Darndest Things And My Cat Isn’t A Ninja

“I would not just stand there and let him shoot me,” Mr. Carson, who has been surging in recent polls, said on Fox News. “I would say: ‘Hey, guys, everybody attack him! He may shoot me, but he can’t get us all.’ ”

Ben, Ben, Ben… oh Ben.

I remember reading Gifted Hands when I was younger and thinking, wow, what a story. The faith of his mother, the perseverance it took to go from being a D student with a shiv, to a neurosurgeon making history.

Oh but Ben, how you have demonstrated to us that even heroes fall from grace. I’ve seen it before, how someone I thought I knew or respected uttered just one sentence about their political beliefs and everything grew dark and ‘Nearer My God To Thee’ started playing in my head and I thought, ‘surely this cannot be.’

Ben Carson’s achievements cannot be erased, he still saved lives and has accomplished more than a lot of us ever will. But why must he say these things? Why must he show this side of himself?

I used to say that kind of thing when I was younger. All the ninja moves I’d pull on someone if they thought they could break into my house. How if I were attacked I’d immediately go for the groin and fight like mad. ‘Ain’t nobody gonna take me down!’ Of course, I said all that jokingly, and without any real frame of reference for what it’s like to be robbed or sexually assaulted. What I wouldn’t do is go up to a rape victim and say, “well why didn’t you fight harder? Did you even try a nut punch? What’d you just lay there and take it?” Because that would be pretty insensitive. How can I speak about how I would react to a situation (in a non-joking context) without ever having gone through it? I don’t know Ben Carson’s life, but as far as I’ve been told, he’s never been present at a mass shooting. So for him to presume he’d be some kind of hero in that kind of terrifying situation, that’s a bit much. And have you heard Ben talk? Can you picture him rallying a group of terrified people to mount an assault on an armed assailant? I mean I could see him quietly suggesting it to the person hiding under a table with him but…

Having (thankfully) never been in a situation like that, I cannot say what I would do. I have no idea. I know what I would like to do, what I think would be best to save my life and possibly others. But when crippling fear becomes a factor in any situation, we become unpredictable. And I’m not talking ‘that is the biggest spider I’ve ever seen where are you God’ kind of fear. I’m talking, ‘this morning may be the last time I said I love to my children’ kind of fear. Those are different BEN. 

Either way, I believe that his words are the kinds of things people say to their friends or spouses behind closed doors. I mean, it’d be nice if you didn’t say those things at all about people who have endured a tragedy, but, we don’t live in a perfect world yet. Or maybe he thinks the loved ones of the victims can’t read or don’t have TVs so they won’t know a presidential nominee basically called their son/daughter/husband/wife/friend a coward, essentially blaming them for their own deaths.

He also thinks Obama is politicizing tragedy by offering his condolences to the victims families and traveling to Oregon to see them. I just.. I don’t know. I don’t know what is wrong with this man. In a sense he’s worse than Donald Trump. Everything Donald Trump says is a joke. Anyone who expected Trump to come into this race with intelligent insights must also get their life advice from Cosmo.


The biggest spider I have ever seen in real life was in my bathroom the other day. I put my cat in the bathroom thinking, alright here we go, ninja cat to the rescue. What I got was an aloof stare, then she walked out. I screamed at her, “What are you doing? Kill the spider, this is why I bought you!” And then I thought of what a horrible thing that was for me to say (however true it may be) so I got my Independent Woman on and bludgeoned that spider to death with a broom and then vacuumed up the massacre. While I am proud of myself, I am also traumatized and no longer trust my bathroom or my cat.

Anyway, have a supa dupa day!


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