I Expect This Open Letter To Be On Good Morning America Tomorrow

Dear Corporate Monsters of Walmart,

I frequent your stores with startlingly regularity. I don’t want to, but you have everything I need at 2 am. Just today I spent ten minutes deciding whether to buy the last humane mouse trap, or the guilt free ones (the ones where the mouse goes in and you never have to see their dead bodies? Good for people like me who don’t like animal cruelty but are also very afraid to carry a trap with a live mouse in it and set it free in the woods somewhere, where it will no doubt find it’s way back into someone else’s home. But I digress.) Anyway, you are America Walmart. We hate you, but you are America. Why is it that you have 500 cashier lanes but at any given time, there will only be 2 open? And 20 people per line eyeing each other or vocalizing their frustration at the lack of cashiers? Aren’t your CEO bajillionaires? You can’t hire 4 more people per store to keep at least 4 or 5 lanes open? The Walmart in this part of Ohio doesn’t even have self-check out? What are we, barbarians? Being forced to converse with cashiers who have to pretend they care whether we have a good day or not? Let me tell you, the flippancy with which I hear “Have a good day” from Walmart cashiers? They may as well be putting anti-freeze in my dinner while they say it. I have never in all of my 26 years encountered a person happy to be working at Walmart. And I’ve been to a lot of Walmarts. But I have seen your farce commercials with people acting as though working at Walmart has been their life long dream. I’m sure there are people who work these jobs who are able to have a good attitude about it because that’s the kind of people they are, but I really doubt anybody straps on those blue vests and thinks, “This is where I was meant to be.”

Anyway, just, open more lanes. Jeez.

Sincerely,

A Person who wishes she had the fortitude to shop elsewhere.

G’day.

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