Deflate-Gate Update

Today I’d like to talk about crippling disappointment, the frenemy of delusional hope.

I was under the delusion that my mattress would be delivered at the time I was told it would be delivered. I am not upset with the company that messed this up. The woman who I spoke with on the phone wasn’t having a good day, so I couldn’t be mad at her. Everything is rescheduled. It’s fine. I’m more upset with myself for ever having hoped at all. I am not someone who things just work out for, not in the easy butterflies and kittens way. Not that my life is difficult, not saying that at all. Clearly I’m blessed enough to be able to even buy a mattress. I’m just saying I have a lot of stories about how life is just funny that way sometimes.

You know how you’re so looking forward to something, only to have it pushed back? The days drudge by, like you’re swimming through molasses. Friday seems like centuries away, like I’ll have kids and they’ll have kids and I’ll be throwing my bedpan at a nurse before it gets here. But I’ve been sleeping on the ground/lifeless air mattress for almost three months now so what’s another 72 hours? 72 hours. 

And if I couldn’t be more stupidly “first world problems” I’m on the phone with someone from a distant land trying to figure out what’s wrong with my SmartTV because it won’t play Netflix. I know, I know, I hate me too. I need to go dig a well or something.

I’m still on the phone, and this lady keeps reminding me that even if I can’t hear her voice, she’s working with me. Like this is some kind of hostage situation and she needs to comfort me, assure me that my SmartTV will not shoot me or my family if I just remain calm. I feel sorry for people who work in these industries, because they probably get cussed out like, 30 times a day. They didn’t do anything wrong, they didn’t make the malfunctioning technology! They’re working to put food on the table just like the rest of us. It’s so easy to take our frustrations out on a voice, forgetting that a real thinking, feeling person is behind it, having to take it in with a smile and then go home with their measly paychecks while the old guys who own these company’s LINE THEIR INDOOR POOLS WITH GOLD.

Sorry, got a little carried away there.

She’s still working with me. I hope this all works out. I’ve got my Jimmy John’s, my cookie, and now I just need my Netflix to comfort me during this time of great loss (the mattress thing).

I’ll let you know how it turns out.


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