“This was a mistaaaaaaake!” That’s what I shouted while I rode my bike up a hill today on my way back from Big Lots (I bought a mattress box spring set thing and yes my insides are melting with joy). I was making awful grunting sounds on my way up that hill, which was actually a really pathetic hill but for whatever scientific reason biking up a hill is much more painful than walking up one. And I was carrying a queen sized mattress + box spring on my back so it was even more difficult. Kidding. But it did feel like I was.
I proved again today that I am the William Hung of small talk. (That is to say I’m embarrassingly bad at it. William Hung was a terrible singer on American Idol in 2004 for anyone who is reading this who is 11 years old and therefore born post-Hung.) The kind gentleman who rung me up at Big Lots today was writing my address down and noticed we lived in the same complex and he casually asked when I thought the pool was going to open to which I opened and closed my mouth and mumbled an alien dialect. It shouldn’t be that difficult to converse with someone who is friendly, but I was sleep deprived and hungry, which causes my introvertitis to really act up. If through your internet travels you stumble across this post, good sir, I apologize. I’m way more articulate in writing than I am talk..ing.
Where do you think Fiji water comes from? The bottle says it’s “from the islands of Fiji: Natural Artesian Water”. I think, loosely translated, that means “Kentucky State Fair Port-a-potty run off.” Because… that’s what it tastes like.
William Hung is married, fun fact if you’re interested. I wonder what he’s really like? He must be buckets of fun because anyone willing to embarrass themselves on national TV like that and then capitalize on it for years to come with little to no shame must be a laugh factory. But I imagine him to have a caring side as well, like maybe he’s a good listener.
I can’t wait till my bed gets here. Fully expect for these blogs to stop because my insomnia will be cured and all I will do for the foreseeable future is sleep. God bless America.