Ramblings Of A Deflated Air Mattress

My blogging game has been subpar, at best. And for the blades of grass that are disappointed by this, I am incredibly sorry. I wish I had an interesting reason for why, like I’ve been really busy or I got engaged or started building a treehouse, but we all know I’m just lazy. And less observant probably. I also spent 4 days with my family while my sister went and got her empty diploma casing from an accredited American university, and I didn’t want to waste precious time with my blood relatives telling the non-interested internet about my non-interesting life.
But I’m back! To tell you several things. For one, Texas is gross, in terms of weather, and I don’t understand how anyone voluntarily lives there. It’s very swampish. But I’m sure it has its perks too. I mean, I didn’t see any, but I’m sure there are. Probably really authentic mexican food or something.
Also, cars are stupid and I’m thinking of buying a bike and saying goodbye to the traditional way of travel. Which means I’m gonna get really skinny, which isn’t really a goal of mine, but sometimes life takes you on paths you don’t expect. What… else.. People are very fake. Social media proves that to me everyday. I mean, I’m sure most of us try to be our best selves on the internet, but some people are so much their “best selves” that they actually become a separate person to the one they are in real life. Someone said that everyone shows their “highlight reel” on social media and I find that to be true. Though, if social media were my highlight reel then I may as well go live in a cave because my social media is 100% boresville. I think I use it more to try and be more funny than I am in real life.
I realize that this post sounds incredibly cynical and maybe borderline depressing, but I’m actually really happy because I have a watermelon chilling in my fridge right now and when I get home I am going to eat the whole thing. I love watermelon. (If I ate the whole thing I would die. I speak almost entirely in hyperbole, sorry.) I don’t like fried chicken (well I think I would probably like it if I ate meat, but the idea of tearing into the flesh of an animal makes me very sad), I’m not a fan of kool-aid, so I think maybe my love for watermelon might be one of the few things that make me feel connected to my people. Oh, and soul food, which consists of a lot of meat so it would have to be a pretty select choosing. What on earth am I talking about? These are the ramblings of someone who has spent about 3 weeks sleeping on a deflating air mattress.
Pricey things I need to buy:
Couch
Mattress
Car
Bike.
If you have any of those things and would like to give them to me, I promise that I will beseech the Good Lord to make you look 10 years younger. If you are ten, you will look like a baby, but that’s okay. Also why does a ten year old have those things? Did they steal them from their parents? I don’t want that stuff if you stole it.
What’d Tom Brady do?
Okay, bye.

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