It’s Not Easy Being Green

Dear People Who Hate On Gwyneth Paltrow,

Let me start by saying you have every right. Her need to be one of us, the poor folk, the cool kids, is disconcerting. She keeps trying, and I know, we just want Gwyneth to stay in her lane. And her lane is beautiful! There are yachts in her lane, and spinning rims (that’s still cool right?) in her lane. But she keeps putting on her blinker and saying, hey, guys, let me over, I want to add my Rolls Royce to your poverty traffic jam.

She doesn’t want us to be fooled by the rocks that she’s got. She’s still Gwyneth from the burbs. Her latest stunt to make us realize that she gets it was a post on Twitter, showing the purchases she made from the grocery store with her “food stamp” money. She’s joined a hashtag challenge, because when you really want to understand a movement/cause/the struggle of millions, that’s what you do. This might’ve angered you. I read your comments, calling her out of touch and other words I can’t repeat on this family friendly blog.

But you guys. Listen. Remember how you felt when you got a 24 pack of crayons for the first day of school and your poor friends were stuck with the off brand twelve pack? Remember how their poverty stricken eyes looked at with loathing as you colored your pictures deep shades of Auburn while they used Red? Remember how alienated you felt because it was like, how could these, my dearest comrades in education, look down upon me because of my opulent wealth? Is it my fault that the gods smiled upon me and destined me for greatness? Don’t you remember how it felt to be better than everyone? And then have them hate you for it? 

That’s what it’s like, to be beautiful and famous. It’s alienating because while you have everyone telling you how great you are, there are those who still look upon you with contempt. Gwyneth just wants us to know that she knows what its like to have a 12 pack of off brand crayons. She tried it once, and while it was just awful, she gets it. Let her have this.

Sincerely,

Sarcasm.

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