My Secret Mall Mission

I decided to go to the mall today. I hate malls. I hate them. But I thought that the least I could do was go inside and see what it was like, if it was similar to other malls I’ve been to, nicer, cleaner, maybe more fancy or maybe abandoned. I made it a few steps into the JC Penny before I felt myself growing weary. The first store outside of the JC Penny was a frozen yogurt place, which I stopped at, obviously. After paying for my frozen yogurt, I found the closest exit and went back to my vehicle. Because I hate malls, and I do not care in the least what the interior of that mall looked like. See, I knew all along there was a frozen yogurt place in the mall, and my plan was to stumble along, passively interested in my surroundings, until I happened upon my true destination. And as providence would have it, that only took about 3 minutes of having to endure the mall.

The invention of malls dates back to prehistoric times, when they used to bore people to their literal deaths. No, I’m kidding, I have no idea when malls became a thing. I think the only redeemable quality to malls are those people with their movable carts who physically assault you to get you to try their products. I once had a guy just grab my hand and start rubbing lotion on it, and he really believed this stuff was revolutionary. I went along with it, because who am I to crush a dream?

Anyway, I haven’t blogged in a few days so I thought I’d just say something, anything. I hope I have something more interesting to say tomorrow. I’m thinking about going to graduate school, to get a masters! Which is such a strange thing to even consider because I swear I was just like, 7 years old, living in Texas, attending my Dad’s ceremony where he was getting his masters. Time flies. What’s another cliche for time? Maybe I should come up with one. Time usually goes the speed limit, but sometimes, its wife is in labor in the front seat and has to get to its destination much quicker.

No, no that was terrible. I have the need for speed, I realize, is a weird thing to say because isn’t speed a drug too?



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