The Wrath of A Thousand Feminists Be On Your Head

Women, women, women. Women. Love you guys (haha, see what I did there?). Some of my best friends are ladies. But I have a bone to pick with you all. Women have this way of talking to each other or about each other in a universal way. “Us ladies, you know how we are, we love our…” So on and so forth. You know the drill. Guys still do it because we still do it. I think, fellow females, that it’s time for us to start speaking for ourselves, speaking as individuals. The only time we should speak of ourselves as a unit is when we talk about equality or sexual harassment issues. Or maybe pregnancy, or other things very specific to all women that for sure only women ever have to deal with (though again, not all women enjoy openly discussing such matters, even with other women ahem ahem. Take that as you will folks).

Anyway, what I’m talking about is the fluffy women things that apparently all women do. As much as we gab on about how women should be individuals and have a voice and be who they wanna be, that still hasn’t penetrated our thinking, not truly. Because I have had girls get upset with me because I refuse to wear makeup or heels. (Talking to you sisters!) I do try more when it comes to how I dress (I try, really hard people), but when it comes to makeup and heels, it ain’t gonna happen. I’m sorry, but if that is the requirement for man-catching, I’m gonna have to fetch me a blind man. I do not want to spend any time in the mornings rubbing chemicals on my face. No shade to the people that do, ya’ll look beautiful, really, inside and out. But it’s not the path for Janelle. When I picture myself in heels, all I can do is laugh. It’s a hilarious visual, if you know me at all.

Also shopping. Unless there is a specific purpose to the shopping trip, I do not want to participate. Just walking around the store? Looking at stuff I can’t afford? For what? I’ve learned that sometimes you just have to do what your friends need you to do, but most people I’m good friends with know I would just ruin their shopping experience if they asked me to do that. I get very childish because I hate it so much. Maybe I still have some maturing to do.

Anyway, these things have been on my soul for many moons. Listen here, women, if we are really about equality and individualism and all that, stop making Janelle feel bad for not being “girly” enough. I’ve already been told I’m not black enough, and now my only other card of oppression, being a girl, is being taken away from me?! I won’t stand for it. I will call down the wrath of a thousand Sarah Palin’s on you for this grievance. I can still be a girl without wanting to talk about makeup, or clothes. There’s more to us than that!

Okay, sorry, it just needed to be said. To all the girls that enjoy that stuff you are still awesome, because you are you. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for it! (But hopefully you also know how to change a tire or something). Equality, march on.


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