Day One

I started this day switching over my car insurance to my new state, which was so very grownup like that I did a little happy dance after, which was probably not grownup like at all. I’m unsure at what point people stop celebrating doing adult things, but I’m not there yet. After my insurance celebration, I went to the local public library to get a card. Yes, I got a library card because books are cool kids and you should read them! Also I’m an old fart who hates e-readers and prefers the antiquated method of dead trees rubbing against my fingertips as I turn the page. Then, I checked out a non-fiction book about how our brains have to learn to process the crazy amount of information we encounter daily. Grownup thing number two! Obligatory adult dance.

Then I went to Panera to kill sometime before my first shift. There was a man in a business suit sitting the booth over from me and while I read my very grownup book, I eavesdropped on his Panera business meeting. It was all very midlife, very post-college behavior, I must say.

My first day went as first days do. Lots of names you won’t remember, but you smile anyway because they’re smiling at you. Information overload and excitement followed by crippling self-doubt. All in all, I know I’m going to like this job for several reasons:

1. I get to keep being a night owl.

2. I can wear casual clothing to work, therefore disappointing my mother and sisters who insist I dress more chic and girly and wear heals and blah, blah, blah. 

3. I get to do what I paid/borrowed over $120,000 to learn.

Protip: When one has only a half-hour to eat lunch at 9 pm, one must think swiftly and not go to Starbucks. One must pack a lunch, or one will feel lightheaded and sick and hate oneself. Also, do not do intense cardio workouts involving copious amounts of squats/lunges the day before your first day at a new job. You will be required to walk and sit a lot, which will make you wish for death, or at least the chance to vocalize your anguish, which is not appropriate in a quiet office setting.


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