I’m having a very hard time not being completely consumed by the misery on this planet. Sometimes I’ll eat something with cheese in it and that’ll make me feel better. But then I go to work and I layout pages and read news articles and even if I completely avoided the internet I’ll still see it. The evil. It’s everywhere.
Today I had to set up two separate payment plans for a medical bill for a barely thirty minute ER visit. The doctor saw me for a whole two minutes to basically tell me I wasn’t going to die, and that was the end of it. No meds, no scans, no nothing. And I still owe over 1200. WITH health insurance. And that makes me think of people who are actually sick, who depend on meds to basically stay sane and/or alive. And how they probably have to struggle through a job they hate to pay for meds that they can barely afford, just to be a tiny less miserable in an otherwise completely miserable world.
What about people who are not fortunate like me? I have wonderful friends and family who, even if everything fell apart for me financially, I could depend on. I’m not alone in this world. But some people are alone. And so all they have is junk food, or alcohol, or drugs. That’s the only thing tethering them to some kind of reality or some kind of goodness.
God makes sense then. An eternal heaven where you only experience light and love and peace? What a wonderful thing to believe. But then there are people who say they believe that, who say God exists, but use their belief as a weapon to get people in line. They use it to justify evil acts. Where’s the hope then? I’m starting to feel like there is none. That maybe we’re all alone down here and all we have are glimpses of peace, pockets of love, corners of light.
I know this is quite dark. But, hearing audio of children being separated from their parents will do that to a person. Things are heavy. And my faith in a higher power that will save us from this is pretty weak right now.
But I know there’s goodness. And that sometimes it wins. We’ve seen it happen. Humans may be masters of destruction, but we’re also great facilitators of peace and goodness. So I try to think of that when the bad news machine that is the internet overwhelms me. I think of everyone who makes me laugh, everyone who speaks up when they see something wrong, and I think, it really isn’t all bad. Good is there, and it’s in a lot of us. And maybe it’s up there too, in the universe somewhere. A god, a being, watching and hoping we work it out. Who knows, I can’t say for sure.
I hope you’re good to people. And I hope that when you make a mistake, you admit it. I hope you apologize when you hurt someone. That’s really all we have, the hope of good. Otherwise we really are totally lost.