Thoughts On Things And Such

So many opinions, so little time.


Just a quick recap of my thoughts on the issues I’ve seen floating around the interwebs lately.

  1. Caitlyn Jenner won woman of the year at some award thing I’ve never heard of. People think she didn’t deserve it. Blah, blah, opinions. Listen, my mother has never been awarded woman of the year and Lord knows she deserves it. If you want fairness, you’re on the wrong planet people. Get over it.
  2. When are we going to stop legitimizing the full-sized Oompa Loompa (Donald Trump) by getting ‘outraged’ every time he opens his weird little mouth? You know how if you punch yourself a kid will laugh every time because they don’t have a sense for when something isn’t funny anymore? And you keep punching yourself until you are bruised and numb, but the kid keeps saying ‘Again! Again!’ America, we are bruising ourselves by entertaining that giant baby and his fetus brain. We must stop this.
  3. This ISIS thing is out of control. I am overwhelmed by the magnitude of it, so I can’t even imagine what world leaders must be feeling when trying to figure out what to do next. I can’t begin to assume to know what the next strategy is, but I can only hope and pray there is a right answer.
  4. Syrian Refugees. Seriously America? Seriously? I meeeeean… there’s gotta be something we can do. We’re whining about our safety from perceieved outside threats and yet how many people have been gunned down within our own borders by maniacs with citizenship? Some claiming their violence was in the name of patriotism?
  5. E. Coli outbreak linked to Chipotle.. I’m willing to sacrifice life and liberty for Chipotle. If you abandon ship during hard times, you were never a true warrior to begin with.
  7. People who take dumps on well intentioned trends, what’s your deal? Who hurt you? If someone wants to #PrayforParis, let them. Yeah, we know, the whole world needs prayer. Conflict never ends, sadness never ends, tragedy strikes every second of every hour across the world. That is fact. But if a few million people decide they want to unify under one tragedy, let them. It’s better than a million people saying, ‘So what? I don’t know anybody in Paris. Shut up, Keeping Up With The Kardashians is on.’ So let people unite, even if it seems simpleton, even if its singular and fleeting. It’s humanity sounding off in support of each other and there is nothing more awesome than that. Let it be, jeez.

Okay that’s enough. I’m going to go now, thank you for indulging my 2 cents. :)

Happy thoughts be unto you.

My Sisters Are Emotional Sadists

Time for a life quiz!

  1. Your sibling calls you early in the morning and you answer the phone, already on edge because of the morning phone call stereotype and because she never calls you this early. She answers the phone in chocking sobs. Do you:
    1. Assume she just finished watching The Notebook for the first time.
    2. Assume one (or both) of your parents are dead and start processing it before she confirms this.
    3. Assume a close family member/friend of the family has died, begin processing this before confirmation.
    4. Assume she is actually laughing so hard she is choking, get angry because it’s too early for jokes.

If you were me, the answer is B.

Now, as you can assume by the fact that I am blogging this experience, it was neither of the more tragic options. I wouldn’t be funny blogging about those right now, I’m not a monster. But it wasn’t the other options either.

My sister called me at 7:58 am (which may not seem early to you, but it’s 6:58 am her time and also I work at night so I was just getting into my REM). She was bawling guys. And my heart was beating faster than I thought possible. My stream of thought was “No I can’t handle this right now, how much time off work will they give me, which one was it? Not that it matters I will be equally devastated, Please God no.” 

She cried for a good.. minute? before using her words, and for that whole minute I thought about how much I was going to miss my mom/dad. BUT THEN, I heard her mutter the word dream. I flew through the 5 stages of unintentional grief, and then I started yelling at her. “Joanna, pull yourself together! What happened!” I started laughing too, my brain probably trying to alert my heart that if it doesn’t calm down it will burst in my chest.

Then she finally told me she had a horrible dream that I had died, I yelled at her some more then confirmed that as far as my current reality, I still qualified as being alive. We laughed, well I did anyway, she kept sobbing, and I went back to sleep.

I’d just like to say this is not the first time one of my sisters has sent me into a false life-altering panic attack. Another time my younger sister called me crying and saying, ‘Dad was in an accident.’ I of course began wondering what happens next? Then, she said, after a few seconds, but he’s okay. -___-

I hope you guys are better at delivering non-tragic news than the members of my family.

Good day!

Racists Statements About Cats And Other Things

Hello there Earthlings.

This is rested, zen Janelle coming to you from my apartment that smells like spiced pumpkin pie. Mood lighting on fleek, the compositions of James Horner filling the living space. I am at peace.

How are you all? Everybody coming down from an Adele filled Friday? I was unsure whether or not the western world would’ve survived today’s Adele mania, but it would seem we are okay. Until November 20th that is, when she unleashes an entire album upon us and we all, literally, figuratively, and collectively die because we cannot begin to even.

I’m not being sarcastic guys.

With Adele back in the spotlight, Taylor Swift can absolutely (and maybe permanently) take that break she’s been promising. We can all pretend like Selena Gomez’s music doesn’t exist (because does it, really? Or is it just a collaboration of all of our musical nightmares, and we have not woken up? Good For You can’t actually be real).

Anyway, Adele your musical gifts are appreciated.


There’s a black cat outside of my apartment building that’s been there for a few days now. She looks exactly like my cat, but bigger (because all black cats look the same, a stereotype cats cannot be bothered to fight against). I’m starting to think that maybe she is my cats mother, and she’s come to reclaim her child. Do black cats only birth more black cats? I really don’t know how that system works.


Have a peaceful weekend worshipping, meditating, eating, singing, dancing, drawing, punching, or whatever it is that you do to bring light into your dismal existence.


No but seriously, have a good weekend. :)

Politicians Say The Darndest Things And My Cat Isn’t A Ninja

“I would not just stand there and let him shoot me,” Mr. Carson, who has been surging in recent polls, said on Fox News. “I would say: ‘Hey, guys, everybody attack him! He may shoot me, but he can’t get us all.’ ”

Ben, Ben, Ben… oh Ben.

I remember reading Gifted Hands when I was younger and thinking, wow, what a story. The faith of his mother, the perseverance it took to go from being a D student with a shiv, to a neurosurgeon making history.

Oh but Ben, how you have demonstrated to us that even heroes fall from grace. I’ve seen it before, how someone I thought I knew or respected uttered just one sentence about their political beliefs and everything grew dark and ‘Nearer My God To Thee’ started playing in my head and I thought, ‘surely this cannot be.’

Ben Carson’s achievements cannot be erased, he still saved lives and has accomplished more than a lot of us ever will. But why must he say these things? Why must he show this side of himself?

I used to say that kind of thing when I was younger. All the ninja moves I’d pull on someone if they thought they could break into my house. How if I were attacked I’d immediately go for the groin and fight like mad. ‘Ain’t nobody gonna take me down!’ Of course, I said all that jokingly, and without any real frame of reference for what it’s like to be robbed or sexually assaulted. What I wouldn’t do is go up to a rape victim and say, “well why didn’t you fight harder? Did you even try a nut punch? What’d you just lay there and take it?” Because that would be pretty insensitive. How can I speak about how I would react to a situation (in a non-joking context) without ever having gone through it? I don’t know Ben Carson’s life, but as far as I’ve been told, he’s never been present at a mass shooting. So for him to presume he’d be some kind of hero in that kind of terrifying situation, that’s a bit much. And have you heard Ben talk? Can you picture him rallying a group of terrified people to mount an assault on an armed assailant? I mean I could see him quietly suggesting it to the person hiding under a table with him but…

Having (thankfully) never been in a situation like that, I cannot say what I would do. I have no idea. I know what I would like to do, what I think would be best to save my life and possibly others. But when crippling fear becomes a factor in any situation, we become unpredictable. And I’m not talking ‘that is the biggest spider I’ve ever seen where are you God’ kind of fear. I’m talking, ‘this morning may be the last time I said I love to my children’ kind of fear. Those are different BEN. 

Either way, I believe that his words are the kinds of things people say to their friends or spouses behind closed doors. I mean, it’d be nice if you didn’t say those things at all about people who have endured a tragedy, but, we don’t live in a perfect world yet. Or maybe he thinks the loved ones of the victims can’t read or don’t have TVs so they won’t know a presidential nominee basically called their son/daughter/husband/wife/friend a coward, essentially blaming them for their own deaths.

He also thinks Obama is politicizing tragedy by offering his condolences to the victims families and traveling to Oregon to see them. I just.. I don’t know. I don’t know what is wrong with this man. In a sense he’s worse than Donald Trump. Everything Donald Trump says is a joke. Anyone who expected Trump to come into this race with intelligent insights must also get their life advice from Cosmo.


The biggest spider I have ever seen in real life was in my bathroom the other day. I put my cat in the bathroom thinking, alright here we go, ninja cat to the rescue. What I got was an aloof stare, then she walked out. I screamed at her, “What are you doing? Kill the spider, this is why I bought you!” And then I thought of what a horrible thing that was for me to say (however true it may be) so I got my Independent Woman on and bludgeoned that spider to death with a broom and then vacuumed up the massacre. While I am proud of myself, I am also traumatized and no longer trust my bathroom or my cat.

Anyway, have a supa dupa day!

Happy Birthday Ryan Gosling! Just Kidding.

Hellooo there.

I’m starting this blog with no specific subject in mind. I just need to write, and I haven’t blogged in a while so I thought I’d at least say some words. Let’s browse Twitter’s trending topics and see if I can come up with something to talk about today.

Oh! What do you know, there is water on Mars probably? And apparently this means NASA is closer to proving/finding that there is ‘alien life’ on Mars.

Here’s my issue. So what? I mean, cool, that’s… really awesome I guess that there is water on Mars. But what does that mean? For us on this planet that we are currently destroying? Is the whole purpose of science exploration so that we can find a backup planet after we kill this one? Or is it curiosity? It’s good to know things but at what point does knowledge become frivolous? Isn’t knowing there is water on Mars kind of like knowing Ryan Gosling’s birthday (which I don’t know so chill)? Like, I know it but now what? Where do we go from here?

Can’t the money we use for exploring our galaxy be used to, I don’t know, help end world hunger or rebuild war torn countries or, at the very least, fix all the pot holes? I know that’s something everyone says, and I know a lot of people grumble “oh shut up tree hugger. Science is cool!” But, I’m just wondering.

My secret hope is that they will discover life on Mars. And that life will write them a letter to send back to Earth and the letter will say, “If you don’t leave us alone and stop throwing your space junk onto our lands, we will destroy you.” And then, NASA will start working on building a real Optimus Prime to defend us and this fantasy Hollywood has conjured about wars with other planets will become a reality and everyone’s heads will explode with the wonder of it all and then we can all just go back to living our lives after we’ve confirmed that yes, other things exist outside of us.

In other, non-galactic news, I have achieved another level of cat lady-dom. In an effort to shatter my cats world view and introduce her to ‘cat culture’, I gave her a window seat. I don’t have ledges for her to sit on, but I wanted her to know that outside exists, and that she’s not the only creature in her world. So I put a chair in front of the back door (which has a window), planted her on it and walked away. It took a few times, but now she has fixated on the outside world and it is beautiful. She still gets distracted by moving things, seeing as she’s still young enough to find things interesting, but that’s too be expected. I wouldn’t want her to be a jaded.. yet. Excuse me I have to go. She just tried to jump on my legs and I’m wearing a very thin fabric and her claws bore holes into my flesh.

Time for a nail clipping!

By the way, say no to declawing.


9/11 And My Frito Foot Teacher

14 years. I don’t even know how to process that kind of passage of time. The fact that I can remember what I was doing 14 years ago means that I’m basically a fossil. It’s weird how memories work. I couldn’t tell you anything about the morning of 9/11/2001. Not a thing. And I couldn’t tell you about that night either. But there are vivid memories of specific points of that day. Like when a teacher ran into my Reading class (I was in 7th grade) and told our teacher to turn on the TV because someone had flown planes into something. I heard the word tower, which I immediately associated with Eiffel. I remember thinking, why is this woman in such a panic over the Eiffel tower? No one lives in the Eiffel tower. Also, how do you fly a plane into the Eiffel tower? Seems like it would take more work than it’s worth. Why is this news? Those were my exact stream of thoughts. My teacher was acting completely hysterical and I was so confused.

Then I realized it was not the Eiffel tower. We spent the rest of the day (I was in a huge public school so there was a lot of commotion/mayhem) going from class to class watching the news. I think that’s all we did that day was watch the news in different classrooms. Some of our teachers made us write reactions about it. I think we were sent home early, and when I got home my dad was watching TV and crying. He grew up in NYC, and we still had family there. My last actual memory of that day was my dad just staring at the TV.

I don’t remember anything about the day after that, or the day before that. I know that afterwards we had to listen to the national anthem every single day at school and recite the pledge of allegiance. This felt patriotic for about a week, but then we just kept doing it for the rest of the school year and nobody was sure why. I went to the same school the next year and we had to continue doing that, and some students were really over it by then. I had an English teacher who was a very odd bird, her toes looked like Fritos and her eyebrows were painted on in the exact shape of the St. Louis Arch. Anyway, some of the students would sit down early, like before the person sang the last note of the national anthem, and boy she would fuss. The response was usually “F**k you” because, well it was a public school and they preyed on the weak teachers, and she was weak unfortunately. I was the goody goody and would always stay standing the whole time, she counted on that. I knew she liked me because I was one of the only students who hadn’t cussed her out or thrown something at her. But one day I was feeling pretty tired and annoyed, so I sat down before the anthem was over and she was shocked. I think she actually talked to me about it, that she didn’t want me to become like the rest of them. It was a whole deal.

Anyway, yeah. 9/11 was an incredibly significant event in America’s recent history. It blows my mind though that there are people who see 9/11 like I see the JFK shooting. Something that happened when I wasn’t alive, but I hear about it all the time and how traumatic it was for everyone. That’s such an odd thing.

This is a really long post. I’ll end it here before I start going into some kind of political manifesto about how America hasn’t learned anything from our past tragedies because we’re still a nation filled with hateful, intolerant people. Whoops.

Okay bye.

Oh wait, one more story about my Frito footed 8th grade English teacher. Our school was predominantly black, and she was this odd old white lady, so you have some context. One morning when we were listening to the national anthem, after it finished, she made some comment about how it was Mariah Carey that sung it. And the class just lost it. I mean, any hearing person would’ve realized that it was Whitney Houston’s iconic version of the national anthem, but that lady stuck to her guns, even while the class berated her and called her all kinds of unkind things. It’s funny to me now, how adamantly she defended her position to a bunch of black 8th graders. But she stood brave in the face of adversity. I wonder how she is now? I wish I could find her and apologize for the hell those kids put her through. They were awful to her. I hated that class, and I didn’t like her much because she was a terrible teacher, but she didn’t deserve to be treated the way she was. I hope she quit eventually and retired somewhere nice.

Okay bye for real this time.

Love, tolerate! Appreciate. :)

My Cat Is Inspired By Kim Davis

If sharing an apartment with a kitten is anything like sharing a house/apartment/life with a baby, I want nothing to do with babies.


After an exhaustively long shift at work, and not going to sleep until 3 am, I thought, oh good, I’ll sleep in a while, catch up on some z’s. But this monster with four legs and a cute kitty face decided, no I’ll meow outside Janelle’s door as loudly as I possibly can to get her attention. So I went out, put food in her bowl (though it took all my efforts not to just toss it on the kitchen floor and yell, “now leave me alone!”). Yeah, so about three seconds later, I hear meow meow I hate you and I want to make sure you never get a proper nights sleep again humans suck and I am the dark one. 

So I open my door so she can come in. And of course, she promptly jumps on my bed and starts walking all over me, putting her cold nose against my eyes, playing with noisy things. I try to ignore it. And I do. And eventually she falls asleep, on my bed of course. But I’m a very active sleeper in that I drastically change positions often, so of course when I move, whatever awkward place she’s decided to fall asleep in is disturbed, and she meows as if I’m in her way. 

I love this weirdo, but I also love sleep. Life is a mystery.

I would like to talk about Kim Davis for just one second. I don’t believe what she did was right, i don’t believe she is making any kind of heroic stand against anything. What she is is another hateful ‘Christian’ using God and the bible as a way to play the victim and treat people any kind of way.

Now if she was at church, or giving a bible study in the library, or praying with someone in the park, and she was asked to stop or arrested and imprisoned, that would be wrong. That would be her being persecuted for her religious beliefs. For example, if I was fired from my job for refusing to work on the Sabbath, and I’d made it clear before I was hired that working on that day was not an option, that would be persecution for my religious beliefs. That sort of thing is an offense that could warrant an uproar.

However, staying at your government job after the government you work for changed or updated their laws and then refusing to abide by those changes because you do not agree with them? And then allowing yourself to be imprisoned for it? That’s not persecution. That’s you being an idiot. If they had told her, “We need you to sign this legal document saying you believe gays should be allowed to marry” that’d be one thing. If they forced her to participate in a sexual act with a gay person, that’d be something else. But all they wanted her to do was her job. If she didn’t agree with the supreme court ruling when it was handed down, and if she so firmly believed in her principals she agreed to be jailed for them, she should’ve quit.

Christians so eagerly want to prove their Christianity by refusing to participate or adhere to “secular rules.” We want to be victims so bad because somehow victimization is a badge of Christian honor. But I don’t think talking down to people whose lives or choices you don’t agree with makes you the apple of God’s eye. There’s a proudness and a superiority that comes with believing you’re in the right, and that’s something Jesus actually talked quite a bit about in the bible. But I guess we ignore those parts and go straight for the “Is it okay to be gay?”

Anyway I could go on and that was more than a second, but I should do stuff now. Stay cool, stay dry, stay alive.