Lemonade is a drink, Piers Morgan is a jerk

Hellooooo from the swamplands of Austin, TX where you can eat the humidity like a pie. In April.

Two weeks into this move, and I am continually grateful and happy that I came here. I’m not a socialite yet, but I see so much potential, both in myself and the city I now dwell in.

For the past … 7? years? that I’ve had my driver’s license (yes I got it late, move on. I also don’t plan on getting married till I’m at least bed pan age). Anyway, all of my driving life has been smaller cities and/or townships, so by about 8 or 9 o’clock, the only things on the roads are crickets. So I continue to be surprised by how many people are out and about when I get off work around midnight. What are you Austintonians doing at these hours? Haha, what a naive question. I know they’re making late night runs to Walmart for Ben & Jerry’s. I’m not an idiot. (she said sarcastically.)

To me, lemonade is still only a sweetened beverage primarily consumed during warmer months. Speaking of..

Piers Morgan. I wanna say first that I know it’s kind of redundant to comment on someone else’s commentary, especially someone as pointless as Piers Morgan. But, this is a blog, so, whatever. 

Anyway, supreme jerk Piers Morgan wrote an article (read at your own peril here) about how he preferred “the old Beyonce” when she wasn’t so politically charged and spouting her opinion everywhere. In summary, good old caucasian male, self-proclaimed “journalist” Piers Morgan said that he preferred it when Beyonce was just singing about having sex or being heartbroken. Because entertainers shouldn’t have opinions on the world around them. Their primary function is coming up with clever ways to say “I am sad” or “I had sex last night, it was satisfactory”, “or “please don’t leave me, what if no one ever loves me again.”

That reminds me of this article I read once by an editor I used to work with. The basic summary of his article was ‘why is everybody disrespecting white men? What’s the deal? We deserve some respect to.’ Suffice to say, any respect I did have for him was wiped out after I read that. This may sound kind of awful, but I think it’s a great time for white men to take some bashing. They’ve basically dominated everything in this country from its inception, and they also traversed the world ruining other countries and wiping out entire indigenous populations. It’s pretty great that people are at least starting to be on a level playing field. I’M NOT SAYING that all white males are raping, pillaging monsters. Just like not all black men are thugs, not all asians are mathematicians, not all… you know, you get my point. Anyway, I think a lot of humasn have taken a pretty positive step forward in the idea of how people should be treated, and that no color (or gender) is better than another. Sure, we’re not perfect, but, being as deeply flawed as we are, we’re not doing so bad.

Finally the weekend, time for some sweet, blessed sleep.

Adios.

What’s A Traffic?

Hello and greetings from Texas!

I was fooling myself in thinking there was anything resembling ‘traffic’ in Dayton, OH. Austin, Texas mocks me for my small town thoughts. This is the first time I’ve ever had to drive in anything resembling real traffic to get to work. Three lane highways filled with vehicles, frantically merging, aggressively speeding up and swooping into the lane you need to be in. The thought always terrified me, but I’m much better at city-esque driving than I thought I would be. I don’t love it, but it no longer gives me heart palpitations.

Today, I thought I would take a quick jaunt to Whole Foods to pick up some vegenaise. I have now learned that there is no such thing as ‘jaunting’ in 5 pm traffic. 2 hours after getting off of work, I’m finally home and am fine with not leaving again until I have to do this all again tomorrow.

As I travel deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole of adulthood, I become more in awe of people who decide to be fruitful and multiply. In awe of people who work more than one job while finishing their degrees, or those who battle illnesses (or have a spouse who is) while still trying to make a living for themselves and/or their kids.

No matter how you perceive our Westernized society and our ever present desire to go go go I still have respect for people who manage to stay awake, alert and alive through all of it.

BY the way. I have now learned that cats should not be introduced to each other aggressively, or after an 11 hour trip. If you’re cat is not declawed, you will pay the price. My sister and I have scars to prove this.

Anyway, till next time!

Thoughts! Thoughts! Exhaustion.

I think I’ve moved past the barf-o-guts-o phase of getting ready to move. I have now found myself in a state of calm that will hopefully stay with me for the next several days.

It’s my last night in my first apartment! Change is in the air and it smells like cleaning supplies and kitty litter. I started out with this grand idea that I was going to make this apartment look brand new so that I could definitely absolutely get all of my security deposit back. I have since strayed quite far from this plan and settled on, ‘yeah that’s probably good enough.’

Not to say the place is destroyed, I think it looks just fine. But there were some mix ups with paint colors (in case you didn’t know, there are 70 trillion variations to the color WHITE) and a shoddy spackling attempt, I can say with confidence that I did my best.

My cat did some minor carpet damage, but since this carpet was constructed and laid by blind, one handed monkeys, I don’t see how they would throw up much fuss about it. Otherwise, I think my dad would be proud. (I gage all my attempts at cleanliness by whether my dad would smile or start digging his own grave.)

Anyway. I went into a bit of a panic tonight at work, because it suddenly hit me that I’m moving to Texas and that I hadn’t really mentally prepared for just how labor intensive a cross-country move would be, especially when attempting this feat by yourself while still working full time. Props to my parents, who managed to do this about 6 times with children and ten times the material possessions. My solution was to sell all of my large pieces of furniture and give away almost everything else. I wish I could say this is me transitioning to a minimalist lifestyle, but my only real thought was ‘do I feel like putting this in my car? Naw, let’s see if someone will buy it.’ (Everything I wanted to sell was sold, praise and amen.)

It’s late and I’m very tired and I still have lots to do before my sojourn through middle America. But, here we are. I’m moving again. My second solo, out of state move since graduating from college. I’ve said this before, and I’m sure I’ll say it a dozen more times throughout my life: I’m never moving again. 

Till next time!

Up And At ‘Em… Again!

Hello out there.

So,

I’m moving to Texas.

Almost a year after my first big move all by my lonesome, I’m making another solo move. Except this time I will have a sedated cat (I’m considering purchasing an elephant dart gun for my trip. That way not only will she be out for the long drive, but also, quite possibly, a good year after). JK don’t come after me PETA. Because I know you guys read this blog.

Anyway, I am once again moving to a place I never thought I would live. I did, at one point in my life, live in TX, but it was a very long time ago. My memories mostly consist of me picking berries so my dad could make cobbler, playing in the front yard, swinging on a swing my grandma made, and calling the police on said grandma when she didn’t do what I wanted. (Yes, this happened. Burned into my memory forever.)

So, my point is my memories of TX are picturesque and probably really inaccurate to it’s current state. Also Texas itself is so large and largely stereotyped that I’m both excited and fearful about what’s to come. I will be living in a democratic pocket of a mostly red state, so that’s an incredibly upsetting thing to consider, especially as we charge full speed ahead to a possible Donald Trump presidency. If Donald wins, will I have to help build the wall between us and Mexico? I’ll keep you guys posted on that once things get moving. I’m pretty far away from the border, but I can make a trip to do some investigating for the purposes of this blog. I’m sure it won’t be a problem.

ANYWAY. So much to consider, so much to do. I’ve sold a majority of my furniture, except I refuse to part with my desk chair, IKEA coffee table and TV. I will find a way to squeeze those into my car. So, if praying is something you do, mention me because I surely do need it.

Stay tuned for more wacky adventures, and (probably 99.9%) anxiety riddled rants about how everything costs too much money.

Yay for states with no income tax!

Till next time ya’ll (practicing my twang). I reckon… nevermind. Bye.

HEY

Well, well, weeeeeeelll.

So much happening in the life of little old me. All shall be revealed in time, but one thing I can say is that I

FINALLY

got a new car. (Well, new to me).

For anyone who has ever experienced my previous vehicle, to say it was about time is an understatement. I believe that engine could’ve ran for a few more years, but the body was plain tuckered out. Towards the end, the exhaust was literally dragging on the ground. I’m pretty sure the airbags were out of commission and the heat/AC fan only blew at the highest level.

That car taught me a lot. Patience, mostly. Actually, that was the sole lesson. Patience and I guess, contentment. I don’t need a Rolls Royce or whatever the cool kids are driving these days. I just need a point A point B ride that’s reliable. Thankfully, God was looking out for me and I was able to purchase a pretty great point A point B ride. It ain’t an Audi, but it drives and doesn’t alert the town upon my arrival.

I’ve also been selling a bunch of my stuff, and it’s made me realize that in my short time of being on my own, I’ve accumulated far too much garbage. I think I want to ‘start over’ every couple of years because I don’t want to end up with a garage full of junk I could’ve given away that my family members have to weed through upon my death.

Anywho, short update. Till next time . . . vote Trump!

Haha. JK. We have to joke about this to keep the darkness from swallowing us whole.

 

 

Been A While Since I Said Stuff

Well guys, it’s March 2016 and look where we are. Months away from a Donald Trump Presidency.

I probably shouldn’t speak that into existence, but, I don’t trust America enough at this point to make a wise decision come November, so I’m going to set myself up for a let down. That way, if by chance the masses come through and say, hey, we can’t let this happen, I will be filled with everlasting joy.

You know, I remember years and years ago when The Apprentice first came on TV. Me and my family watched it regularly. It was, in its infancy, a great show. It felt serious, with real business men and women going after a real job with real qualifications. However, even back then, Donald Trump seemed a bit odd. But even with his sweet potato complexion, he managed to make that show not a complete joke.

Fast forward many years later, here we have Celebrity Apprentice. I’ve never seen it, but I’ve seen Donald Trump go from being a fairly elusive, albeit odd creature, to a pouty, idiotic caracass. When he announced his presidency many months ago, I laughed. I laughed the carefree laugh of a person of privilege, a person of naivete. Because I thought, there is no way this country will allow this farce to continue. After the controversy where he basically said all Mexicans were rapists, I thought, surely, he will drop out. Surely he cannot think he could go further with this charade. But I was wrong. So very wrong.

I haven’t been alive for, or at least aware of, many elections. I think this is only the 3rd election that I’ve actually known what is happening and who is running. The last election I can actually recall with clarity is when Bush “beat” Al Gore in his first run for president. I remember there being a lot of outrage, I remember a lot of people trashing Florida. (That hasn’t changed much).

Have elections always been this much of a petty circus?

It seems like the American system is broken. We complain, we whine and we refuse to compromise. How can any President bring any real, dynamic change when the people being governed are constantly at each other’s throats? We want to ‘make America great again’ but what does that even mean? What do they mean by ‘again’? Is there a point in America’s history where we were, in every respect, great? The way I see it, even being the petty, bickering people we are, now is the best time for America. We have equality, and even if there are still things to work on, there are those willing to advocate for the voiceless. We don’t brush things like domestic abuse under the rug anymore. We’re working through our dark past, we’re struggling through racial tension, being made aware of our mistakes and at least attempting to fix them. So is there an old America that people want to revert back to? Because I don’t think there is anything constructive about going backwards.

ANYWAY, went off on a bit of a tangent there. Haven’t blogged in a while. It’s been an… interesting couple of days. I’m sure I’ll have something worthwhile to say pretty soon…:)

Bye!

I Wanna Be Simba

HELLOOO internet!

I envy people who just know what they were born to do and therefore put their whole being into that thing. Whether it’s being a doctor, singer, entertainer, lawyer, librarian. Whatever. They can say they’ve always known. They started organizing books by the dewey decimal system when they were three. That has to be such a great feeling, just knowing what you’re called to do.

I wish I was Simba, before he went to the elephant graveyard. I think that’s when his worldview changed. I wanna be ignorant Simba, the one that was promised everything that the light touches.

Post college questions I wasn’t prepared to answer:

  • Are you going back to school? What will you study if you do?
  • Why aren’t you married yet? Don’t you wanna be married? Just get married already!
  • Are your current financial decisions positively or negatively affecting your future?
  • Is it worth it to get your cat neutered? Why did you get a cat?
  • Should you be actively pursuing other professional things during your time off work? If you don’t, are you wasting away your potential?
  • Do you need a car? Or can you survive without one? What’s too high of a car payment? Should you take on a car payment when you have other debts to worry about?
  • Why is your sister calling at 1 am? Oh god, has something happened? You’re independent, but you still need family!
  • Why did you take a job so far away from family? What were you thinking?
  • How does one build a support/social system out of scratch? Should one even bother?
  • Will everything quiet down eventually? Will all my thoughts join together into one, cohesive plan? Am I thinking too much?!

 

*SCREAM*

Have a great day guys!