Not Laughing Out Loud

We humans do this really dumb thing where we want to compare everything. Nothing can stand alone as good or bad or tragic or happy. Everything has to be “as good as…” or “as funny as…” People call Sam Smith “the male Adele” because he can’t just be Sam Smith. He has to take the place of Adele (who is only like, 25, so nobody is taking her place yet). When tragedies occur, they are “the worst ___ since ____.”

That’s fine, I get why we have to do it. We want to reconcile this new thing with an old thing, or we want to compare it to decide whether we like it more or less. But sometimes, we go a little overboard.

Once, someone asked me if I thought the Holocaust or slavery was worse. They weren’t trying to be funny or just get a random opinion. They actually wanted to debate me on which tragedy was worse (they had already decided the Holocaust was). My answer? Are you serious? And then I said a bunch of other stuff along the lines of you cannot compare human suffering because it’s all pretty awful. Whether it’s one dead or thousands, one enslaved or millions, it’s all injustice. So on. So forth.

ANYWAY, I say all that to say this. About 5 minutes ago, Aaron Paul tweeted this:

“Dear @SeaWorld,

You are terrible.

Sincerely,

Everyone who actually cares about living creatures.

Release your slaves.”

Personally I thought it was great (I’m bias maybe because I think Aaron Paul is pretty awesome… but I digress). Anyway, so someone commented this: “dude, little kids in palestine are being bombed rn and you’re talking about sea creatures lol.”

So many things can be said about this reply but I’m going to try to stick to my point. (But I have to say this. Lol? Seriously? You just brought up a serious issue and you end it with lol?).

Why can’t someone take up issue with the mistreatment of animals and the death of children in war ravaged countries? Is it impossible and/or ridiculous to care for both things? Do you have to put aside the mistreatment of animals to care about human suffering? I don’t think so. I think our brains, while sometimes faulty (like when we end a sentence about children dying in Palestine with lol) but I think we can manage to advocate more than one issue. Sure, on the scale of things that matter, dying children are above enslaved Orca whales. But that doesn’t mean you can’t voice your disdain for both.

Lol.

The Special Snowflake Theory

In a manner of speaking, post-college life is like an animal being released into the wild. Having been coddled and cared for by the kind humans, fostering it’s health with only the precarious animals best interests at heart, the poor creature has no idea what atrocities await it in what is supposed to be it’s “natural habitat.” Does it know that sometimes in the wild, lions will eat each other when pushed to the brink of starvation? Or that one small injury to the leg of a gazelle could prove fatal because if you’re in the back of the pack, it’s only a matter of time before the lioness singles you out. No, the spoiled little animal doesn’t know that because all it’s life it has been fed and looked after. And told it was special.

And now, out in the great blue yonder, it realizes it’s not special at all and that there are other, more talented animals with similar spots who can run faster and catch more limping gazelles.

But I digress.

None of us are snowflakes. I mean, in terms of our DNA, yes, we are special. Nobody has the same finger print as you, so yeah, in that way, you are incredibly unique. But the idea that no one else can bring to the world what you can? That is hogwash. There are at least 1 million people (probably, I have no scientific data to prove this) that can bring the same spirit, energy and expertise to any number of things that I can. There are tons of people with the same point of view, the same ideals and values. I am not special in that regard.

Then again… when I watch America’s Got Talent, I’m tempted to join the “special snowflake” coalition because some of the things I’ve seen on that show just can’t be duplicated. I mean, a guy ate cacti. What is that about?

 

Celebs, They Be Givin, Am I Right?

If I were a celebrity, I would go to greater lengths to protect my good deeds than I would my personal life. I think it’s really great that a lot of famous people are so philanthropic and give so generously. When you’re given that much money for a job that really shouldn’t be paying you that much, you should do something with it besides buy… I dunno, diamond encrusted hubcaps, or.. whatever rich people buy. 

I just saw an article about how Taylor Swift donated a bunch of money to a hospital and then did something else (I don’t know what the else is.. I didn’t read the article. I just saw it). And that’s great, so, so great. But I would like to think that Taylor Swift didn’t do this so that someone from Yahoo! could say “oh, oh, look at Taylor! She did something nice! She’s probably trying to get our attention so we can write an article about it.” As soon as I see an article like that I think, “Ohmygawd Taylor, we get it, you have money and you give it to people. Stop shoving it in our faces.” Her doing good makes me not like her, which is irrational and unfair. She isn’t doing it. The all elusive they are responsible. 

Also, whenever a male/female celebrity (especially an attractive one) does anything even remotely endearing, there is this love and adoration that is a little misplaced. They are basically seen as demigods who can do no wrong. Without ever actually requesting it, they are put on this pedestal and if they ever do anything to try and sneak off of it, well.. you’ve seen it happen. 

Anyway, basketball stuff is starting and I’m going to pretend to have been paying attention to it the whole season. 

What The Water boarding?

“Well, if I were in charge, they would know that waterboarding is how we baptize terrorists.” 

For one, let’s all thank God Sarah Palin isn’t in charge of much. I mean, the only thing she’s really got dominion over is her mouth, and she can’t seem to get that under control. 

It’s exhausting and redundant to talk about how classless Sarah Palin is, so I won’t. But I will group her together with another rich, entitled person who recently made headlines, you may have heard his name being bounced around lately? Donald Sterling? Yeah. The thing I’m noticing is that these people who say the most horrendous things, the most repulsive, unpopular things? They made it to the top, they’re not wanting for anything, and they didn’t get there by accident. They also didn’t just suddenly become racist and/or ignorant. 

The shocking thing is actually the shock. The fact that these people keep getting exposed for their blood curdling stupidity, and we all sit slack-jawed and confused, that’s the sad thing. When you live in a society where people think that ignoring race and/or racism is how to deal with it, you get Sarah Palins and Donald Sterlings. People get to keep their prejudice views as long as it’s only said in private conversations, or at NRA conventions where everybody is agreeing and cheering–where ignorance is being validated. 

Anyway. 

I want this to be said. Sarah Palin is not a Christian. She worships at the alter of Fox News and Palin, and uses God’s name as a crutch for her agenda. I’m a Christian, and I know a lot of Christians, and they are humble people who give of themselves for the good of others. We are taught to be selfless and accepting and to approach everything we do with love. Do Christians always accomplish that? Not in the least–but the good ones try. Sarah Palin does everything to advance her cause of belittling anyone she finds to be beneath her or who disagree’s with her ludicrous views. 

*steps down carefully from soapbox*

Missed Calls

Usually, by the third missed call, I have Law & Order crime scenes playing out in my head. That’s what technology has done to me. It’s made me think that if my parents/siblings/friends do not answer their phones in a timely manner, only the most horrifying things could be happening to them. Usually it’s “I forgot to charge my phone” or “I’m in class” or “I’m in a meeting.” But for the whole gut wrenching, ulcer inducing 30 minutes, I can’t do anything but worry. It’s irrational. 

Same with Twitter, Instagram and Facebook. It’s created a whole new etiquette for human behavior. If you are a regular tweeter or selfie taker or Facebook activist poster, your words become like internet white noise. But if you go a week or two weeks without posting, people might start to worry. (If nobody worries, you might want to reconsider the validity of your internet presence.) So now, perhaps it’s common courtesy to let people know “Hey, I’m taking an internet fast, don’t worry I’m not dead.” Even though when people do that now, they might as well be jumping up and down saying “Me, me! I’m important, notice me!” 

Also, can I just say that I know more guys that eat yogurt than girls? I can’t with these commercials where women so happily indulge in a giant, goopy spoonful of yogurt as if it really tastes like Key Lime Pie. Give me. A Break. 

Frosty Lunar Comebacks

It was cloudy last night, so I didn’t get to see the lunar eclipse. The reason it was cloudy is because Mother Nature punked the East Coast so bad. It was 68 degrees the day before yesterday. I went for a walk in just a t-shirt. It was beautiful.

And then winter pointed and laughed at all of us like the rude, intrusive, uncomfortable season that it is. I mean I’ve been spring cleaning and everything! I feel a little disrespected if I’m being honest.

Speaking of unexpected/expected comebacks, Micheal Pheeeeelps. I’m not excited that he might possibly be re-emerging. Not because I don’t like him (how can you not like him? What’s there not to like?). I’m just one of those people that cringes at sequels, one of those don’t beat a dead horse types. I like the idea of leaving with dignity, giving people the opportunity to miss you.

Then again, even if he does come back and doesn’t do so well, he’s still going to be one of the greatest athletes of all time. Everybody was making a big case about this Ryan Lochte fellow, but look how that turned out? We thought he would be competition, and instead he kind of embarrassed himself into obscurity. He’ll probably come back and do really well and win more stuff but, he’ll never be Michael Phelps, which is probably okay with him. And I can barely doggy paddle anyway, so even if Michael came back and swam at 1/3 of his peak, he’d still be better than me on my best day at life.

 

Let It Go, Seriously

Thank goodness this blog isn’t popular enough to warrant a stream of hatred when I say this: I loath the song ‘Let It Go.’ This is not a situation wherein I hate something solely based on its popularity. With all the genuineness that I can muster, from the moment I first heard it to this very second, I have disliked that song. Every single strain of it makes my ears bleed (ok not really but you get the point).

The movie hadn’t quite reached its peak of popularity when I had first seen it, and so after that song had finished I thought, ew, worst Disney song ever. For sure I thought In Summer or Do You Wanna Build A Snowman would get more hype. Those songs are far more creative (I mean, c’mon, a snowman who dreams of getting ‘gorgeously tan’? You cannot get more hilariously ironic than that). But when the momentum started building for this movie and everybody started talking about how obsessed they were, I was truly confused. And then it won and Oscar and I was like, urhuhwha? 

You know what Disney song should’ve gotten more hype? Mother Knows Best, from Tangled. That song was brilliant. But Let It Go? I mean, besides the fact that it is just.. an awful song, what is it even about? Why is she so angry? She did one bad thing with her powers, her terrible parents make her feel guilty about it, she hides away for years and alienates her sister.. and then runs away? I mean, who was oppressing her? What’d I miss? (Ok there were those two seconds when her powers were revealed and everybody was like ‘o_O’ but, c’mon Elsa?)

Anyway, I could go on and on about how much I don’t like this song (actually not on and on, I think I’ve said it all). I challenge anyone to read the lyrics of that song and give me a intelligent 10 word summary on what it is about… without using the title in said summary. “Girl throws tantrum over minor error made ten years prior.” That would be my summary. I’m sure I’ve changed your opinion of that song and now you should definitely listen to In Summer and give it a second chance as your favorite Frozen song. (Pretend like that song the trolls sang doesn’t exist because, honestly, what was that?)